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Why do you want to marry?

A conversation with a group of Amroos, on a weekend night: After the trite topic of Hinduism was beaten, washed, and dried (always happens with every group, they have to ask me about Hinduism, and they tend to know more than me! They expect me to give a discourse, but I end up listening to their view of world, cosmos, and God), one guy said he was to get married. I said “awesome, so why do you want to get married?” to which he replied “I am in love with her, and I thought of taking it to the next level”. I said “nice”, wondering if Sonali Bendre would agree to my proposal.

Then my twin stepped in, the other Pavan inside me. He asked a fellow desi, “hey, why do you want to marry?” to which he replied “err, to settle down?”. Hmmn, considering arranged marriages, this vaguely answered my question. But I being me, grilled him further (he didnt commit suicide yet):

Pavan: So, you want to settle? (So, I should stop using “So” that often) Hmmn, okay, but that reason doesnt fit very well. Imagine you are conversing with one of the probables your parents have chosen. She asks you the same question, and if you answer that way, she might not be much impresed. I mean, shouldnt there be a strong and compelling/convincing reason which would make her say “wow, I would like to spend the rest of my life with HIM”. This is the focus.
Fellow desi: “hmmn, I want to have a family, you see”

Pavan, donning the role of probable bride: “not quite impressed yet”

Pavan, as Pavan: “Dont give prepared answers. Tell what you genuinely feel. Tell me really, why are you doing masters? ‘coz you want to have a job? or is it because you want to grow in your career, learn things, and apply stuff or make things better.. blah blah? platonic answer.. as in a job interview, answer on those lines..”

Fellow desi: “dude, you are nuts, let me get myself another beer” and thus avoided me.

Pavan, now got his notepad and hunted another desi for this reporter-style-interview “hey mama, was just wondering.. blah” and put the same question, this time more nicely.

Desi#2: “dude, ahem, I have needs, and every one has to settle down with a female na?” I didnt even want to ask what his needs were (not that he was wrong, but was too explicit, and somehow didnt sound melodious and not the answer I was hunting for, which I dont know yet)

This became like Holy Grail, I was looking for a convincing reason.. and all these ppl are in mid-twenties.. Matured? Marriageable age? Hmmn, I wonder. And people still get married and “live happily-ever-after” (pun)

Desi#3: “Dude, I am lonely, and I want somebody from the opp. gender.”

Pavan: “You are lonely? How uncool! You dont have many friends/peers? Why the need of marriage or a female? Would that remove the emptiness inside you? and if so, how? Convince her, with a good reason that makes her think this guy has a good direction of thinking, I like that”

Desi#3: “We are straight, and hence the choice, the genes, the drive, you know the stuff”

Pavan: “ah, here comes Darwin and Richard Dawkins! dude, everybody knows that.. there is something more than that.. c’mon, you could answer.. a lil bit more stress on brain.. c’mon. See, hint: this prospective bride is also a person. See beyond YOU..”

Desi#3: “hey, there come some chicks, let me try my luck” and left..

hmmn, I have an answer, but let me get your opinion, dear reader! Shoot. Puhleez?

PS: occasionally I get hit by a pillar, and behave like this.

Anonymous Coward vs. Superhero

Disclaimer: By Superhero, I am not being gender-biased, but using it in a generic sense, like Actor also encompasses females, and by anonymous, I also mean those with partially shielded info, or those with virtual identities that cant be tracked to their real identities (like pen-name, I say keyboard-name)

I had been thinking of “Anonymity” in virtual life for some time, and thought of putting some perspectives. My question is: Why do people (I am your anonymous partner in this crime) maintain anonymity? be it on blogs, or forums, or Orkut?

Firstly, let me bust the myth! There is nothing called “absolute anonymity”. The technologically advanced can track every click of yours, your IP, your ISP, your OS and browser, your Geo location.. and I am aware of the traces I leave online.. so it is quite easy to track me down. The stats feature (or the whois feature) allows one to remove your cloak of secrecy and bust you, even if it makes you think that commenting from anonymous@anonymo.us is safer.

Next, anonymity in real life: There are occasions where people (in general) yearn for anonymity in real life: when one is smoking/drinking in India or when one is with somebody of the opposite gender at a coffee shop, when one is so pissed off at the prying eyes of the society that anonymity is a boon..

So, the question is: WHY maintain anonymity in virtual life? Why cant one come out and be a superhero.. stand for whatever their opinions are.. not be afraid of what society thinks of them, or their opinions? There are various reasons, which I gathered from my research (I invite other dimensional analysis from you):

• Flow of thoughts: For many, unless there is this freedom from not being judged, freedom from the “I-know-what-you-blogged-last-summer” threat is present, the creative juices dont start to flow
• The feeling of being a superhero (pseudo?): There is an air of mystery associated with the anonymous or those with fake/virtual identities.. This argument holds good. A normal human tends to lose interest if the virtual identity is “parda-faashed” (is stripped of..) and the real him/her is known to the world. The lesser the info, the more the mystery, and hence more interest! So you feel like a Superman/Spiderman 🙂
• Nowadays, employers (or in my case, prospective employers) google for you before they take you in. Why? So that you dont stand for something outrageous/extreme.. it is a safe measure they take so that they dont have to repent for your intake later. Now how do your opinions matter to them? Hmmn, because you are part of them, and some dumb people might perceive your voice to be that of the company, even if it is on “Who is hotter, Sonali Bendre or Sonali Kulkarni”.
• People (in society) judge you from what you write/opine on. And many times they are wrong (especially about a schizophrenic person like me), but still it is dangerous to let those words out about someone with whom relations matter. Some of my close friends know the two of us (the “real” and “virtual” me), some dont. But evenif some know, I can openly write about them, or make fun of them, because they are okay with it. OFFTOPIC: for instance, one roomie of mine reads this space, and I can still say “dude, your choice of World War I era music sucks. It feels as if I am at Hitler’s concentration camp listening to those K.L. Saigal songs” or that my other roomie listens to the type of songs that are generally sung in railway coaches.. by beggars/handicapped/homeless kids.. which evoke lots of sympathy and you feel like pouring out (when I was going to Chennai consulate: “tum to thehre pardesi, saath kya nibhaogey”.. sooo true.. PS: and I didnt mean to poke fun at those kids, but it was meant for my roomie).

Now the bigger question, DOES IT MATTER? Does it matter if the virtual person is a female or male? Does it matter if the other person is not what he/she projects to be.. For society, yes! because it is human tendancy to start profiling a being (person or dog) right from the point any kind of interaction/communication begins. And it becomes an unsolved mystery as to who the real person is. As regards to me, I am a schizophrenic alien writing from Mars in the distant future. And careful, I am watching you 😀

baal kee dukaan

Welcome to Bald-a-geddon (pj hint). Yes, a disaster awaits us. And there is only one person who can save us: Bruce Willis.. oops! even he is bald!

It isnt rare to see guys in their twenties getting receding hairline. From the studies I have performed, baldness falls into these categories: 1) receding hairline 2) thinning hair 3) both of the above. This reminds me of the quote:

People who bald from the front are sexy, people who bald from the back are thinkers,
and people who bald from both the sides think they are sexy..

And surprise surprise! Even females fall in this category (as if..). Baldness is one of the biggest threats aajkal (other than global warming, but ah well!) one can think of (as it seems).

It starts with an innocent phone call, “mama, me just asking.. how many strands of hair do you lose per shampoo session?” I reply in wikipedia ishtyle “It is natural to lose about 100 strands per day, so chill”. Next question after a microsecond gap, “which shampoo do you use.. I mean do you think it could be the shamoo?” Dr. Pavan speaks, “Yes, use a low pH shampoo.. sometimes it is also the water.. if it is too basic, it might be harming your hair..”

Then comes the confession, “dude.. I am BALDing.. yes big-time!! I have acres of unconstructed empty plots.. acres of it.. on my head.. only if I could make use of the real-estate boom.. but I am doomed.. what about marriage? girl friends? Before I get married, I am becoming grandpa! and I am just a quarter century old!! Help! err btw how do you know so much info.. and how were you able to answer all my q’s?” Dr. Pavan replies, “thats for another day beta.. so pray tell me how much have you lost.. or should I say how much do you have remaining?”

Grrr..

Well, here comes your childhood haunting you. Remember how you would yell “takley uncle” and run away.. leaving a bald uncle wondering who the devil was.. remember how you would mock at a kid just returned from Tirupathy? How he would be the talk of the class.. how you would use his head to rub the cricket ball against to make the ball rough? How you would use his head when you were out of sand-paper in arts class? how you would use his head to focus sun-rays for all your scientific experiments when he had oiled his head? How you used his head as tabla when you were possesed by Zakir Hussain?

Guess what? It is payback time!

So coming back to “actual” baldness, one cant blame.. its in the genes.. the pollution, the diet, the water, the lifestyle.. it isnt surprising if the dad-son pair is mistaken as son-dad pair!! But how serious is the problem?

Indians view it in a more serious manner. I have seen Americans being bindaas with their shaven heads.. sometimes it makes them look cooler.. but Indians relate it to potency.. and masculinity.. no hair? no pair! Yes, females think not twice.. but about a bazillion times before thinking of a future with a baldie.. sad but true.. (generalising from a median view.. could be wrong). Believe me, “bald men are sexy” look is back in US, but it has never been true in desi females’ perspective.. so before one gets totally bankrupt (hairwise).. one thinks of getting married (with the whatever remaining balance).

There are alternatives.. like hair-weaving/transplant etc.. but is it worth it? Nope.

Isnt it the personality that finally matters?

It is not what is on your head that counts, but what lies beneath it that matters.
– said a famous balding Swami in Yajur-veda, page#420..

PS: The title of the post is dedicated to someone I know who has so much hair, that he is called so.