Why do you want to marry?
September 14, 2006
A conversation with a group of Amroos, on a weekend night: After the trite topic of Hinduism was beaten, washed, and dried (always happens with every group, they have to ask me about Hinduism, and they tend to know more than me! They expect me to give a discourse, but I end up listening to their view of world, cosmos, and God), one guy said he was to get married. I said “awesome, so why do you want to get married?” to which he replied “I am in love with her, and I thought of taking it to the next level”. I said “nice”, wondering if Sonali Bendre would agree to my proposal.
Then my twin stepped in, the other Pavan inside me. He asked a fellow desi, “hey, why do you want to marry?” to which he replied “err, to settle down?”. Hmmn, considering arranged marriages, this vaguely answered my question. But I being me, grilled him further (he didnt commit suicide yet):
Pavan: So, you want to settle? (So, I should stop using “So” that often) Hmmn, okay, but that reason doesnt fit very well. Imagine you are conversing with one of the probables your parents have chosen. She asks you the same question, and if you answer that way, she might not be much impresed. I mean, shouldnt there be a strong and compelling/convincing reason which would make her say “wow, I would like to spend the rest of my life with HIM”. This is the focus.
Fellow desi: “hmmn, I want to have a family, you see”
Pavan, donning the role of probable bride: “not quite impressed yet”
Pavan, as Pavan: “Dont give prepared answers. Tell what you genuinely feel. Tell me really, why are you doing masters? ‘coz you want to have a job? or is it because you want to grow in your career, learn things, and apply stuff or make things better.. blah blah? platonic answer.. as in a job interview, answer on those lines..”
Fellow desi: “dude, you are nuts, let me get myself another beer” and thus avoided me.
Pavan, now got his notepad and hunted another desi for this reporter-style-interview “hey mama, was just wondering.. blah” and put the same question, this time more nicely.
Desi#2: “dude, ahem, I have needs, and every one has to settle down with a female na?” I didnt even want to ask what his needs were (not that he was wrong, but was too explicit, and somehow didnt sound melodious and not the answer I was hunting for, which I dont know yet)
This became like Holy Grail, I was looking for a convincing reason.. and all these ppl are in mid-twenties.. Matured? Marriageable age? Hmmn, I wonder. And people still get married and “live happily-ever-after” (pun)
Desi#3: “Dude, I am lonely, and I want somebody from the opp. gender.”
Pavan: “You are lonely? How uncool! You dont have many friends/peers? Why the need of marriage or a female? Would that remove the emptiness inside you? and if so, how? Convince her, with a good reason that makes her think this guy has a good direction of thinking, I like that”
Desi#3: “We are straight, and hence the choice, the genes, the drive, you know the stuff”
Pavan: “ah, here comes Darwin and Richard Dawkins! dude, everybody knows that.. there is something more than that.. c’mon, you could answer.. a lil bit more stress on brain.. c’mon. See, hint: this prospective bride is also a person. See beyond YOU..”
Desi#3: “hey, there come some chicks, let me try my luck” and left..
hmmn, I have an answer, but let me get your opinion, dear reader! Shoot. Puhleez?
PS: occasionally I get hit by a pillar, and behave like this.