baal kee dukaan

August 1, 2006

Welcome to Bald-a-geddon (pj hint). Yes, a disaster awaits us. And there is only one person who can save us: Bruce Willis.. oops! even he is bald!

It isnt rare to see guys in their twenties getting receding hairline. From the studies I have performed, baldness falls into these categories: 1) receding hairline 2) thinning hair 3) both of the above. This reminds me of the quote:

People who bald from the front are sexy, people who bald from the back are thinkers,
and people who bald from both the sides think they are sexy..

And surprise surprise! Even females fall in this category (as if..). Baldness is one of the biggest threats aajkal (other than global warming, but ah well!) one can think of (as it seems).

It starts with an innocent phone call, “mama, me just asking.. how many strands of hair do you lose per shampoo session?” I reply in wikipedia ishtyle “It is natural to lose about 100 strands per day, so chill”. Next question after a microsecond gap, “which shampoo do you use.. I mean do you think it could be the shamoo?” Dr. Pavan speaks, “Yes, use a low pH shampoo.. sometimes it is also the water.. if it is too basic, it might be harming your hair..”

Then comes the confession, “dude.. I am BALDing.. yes big-time!! I have acres of unconstructed empty plots.. acres of it.. on my head.. only if I could make use of the real-estate boom.. but I am doomed.. what about marriage? girl friends? Before I get married, I am becoming grandpa! and I am just a quarter century old!! Help! err btw how do you know so much info.. and how were you able to answer all my q’s?” Dr. Pavan replies, “thats for another day beta.. so pray tell me how much have you lost.. or should I say how much do you have remaining?”


Well, here comes your childhood haunting you. Remember how you would yell “takley uncle” and run away.. leaving a bald uncle wondering who the devil was.. remember how you would mock at a kid just returned from Tirupathy? How he would be the talk of the class.. how you would use his head to rub the cricket ball against to make the ball rough? How you would use his head when you were out of sand-paper in arts class? how you would use his head to focus sun-rays for all your scientific experiments when he had oiled his head? How you used his head as tabla when you were possesed by Zakir Hussain?

Guess what? It is payback time!

So coming back to “actual” baldness, one cant blame.. its in the genes.. the pollution, the diet, the water, the lifestyle.. it isnt surprising if the dad-son pair is mistaken as son-dad pair!! But how serious is the problem?

Indians view it in a more serious manner. I have seen Americans being bindaas with their shaven heads.. sometimes it makes them look cooler.. but Indians relate it to potency.. and masculinity.. no hair? no pair! Yes, females think not twice.. but about a bazillion times before thinking of a future with a baldie.. sad but true.. (generalising from a median view.. could be wrong). Believe me, “bald men are sexy” look is back in US, but it has never been true in desi females’ perspective.. so before one gets totally bankrupt (hairwise).. one thinks of getting married (with the whatever remaining balance).

There are alternatives.. like hair-weaving/transplant etc.. but is it worth it? Nope.

Isnt it the personality that finally matters?

It is not what is on your head that counts, but what lies beneath it that matters.
said a famous balding Swami in Yajur-veda, page#420..

PS: The title of the post is dedicated to someone I know who has so much hair, that he is called so.


21 Responses to “baal kee dukaan”

  1. shark Says:

    πŸ™‚ Men can’t stop thinking about getting bald… and women can’t stop thinking about loosing their complexion, wrinkles, dark circles .. whatever…

    Finally it all boils down to impressing the opposite sex. And somehow we manage it also… but then still keep pondering “did I make the right choice? was there someone better out there? Did I have to wait more?”

    For what? for some hairy monkey or a pale ghost? beats me!

  2. Suyog Says:

    Hehheh – you hit the nail on the…err…hair :D.

    I agree, baldness = no ladki in Indian society πŸ™‚


  3. Apoorv Says:

    Hope sometime in near future ,going bald will be the trend. John Abraham already is going to get his shaven ,I heard…
    that wud be only respite for ppl losing their hairs by 25 πŸ™‚

  4. Pavan Says:

    [shark] ..”Finally it all boils down to impressing the opposite sex..” yup.. it is in the evolution πŸ˜€

    [Suyog] πŸ™‚ but things are improving.. tomm it might be no baldness –> no ladki like no pain, no gain

    [Apoorv] so that Baal kee dukan is gonna shave for a movie? nice.. women would digg that look

  5. hardu Says:

    He he he. Why do you fear? You are nowhere close to baldness and so you needn’t fear of not finding a girl. πŸ˜‰

  6. Hiren Says:

    That Swami comment reminds me of something interesting. My in-laws are Jains. Jainism is quite a strict religion. My father- in-law joined a sort of temple servicing voulantarily after retirement. He told me that he was amazed at temple politics in a spiritual place and made exactly the same remark ,”Sar mundvane se koi sadhu nahin ban jaata”

  7. Jo Says:

    I dont think all indian females are really that biased against a bald head..some indian females dont mind getting married to a clean shaven guy,provided…the rest of the parts ..inside the head and below the head are captivating enough..:)

  8. shark Says:

    Actually I feel the trend has changed. My cousins have started “ignoring” the baldness, and concentrating on the “BANK BALANCE”!!! πŸ˜‰

  9. […] Patrix | Humor Indians view it in a more serious manner. I have seen Americans being bindaas with their shaven heads.. sometimes it makes them look cooler.. but Indians relate it to potency.. and masculinity.. no hair? no pair! Yes, females think not twice.. but about a bazillion times before thinking of a future with a baldie […]

  10. Vi Says:

    Take the initiative and being bald in πŸ˜€

    (I think being bald solves a lot of problems, actually…not having to worry about your hair can be stress relieving).

  11. Pavan Says:

    [Hardu] me no fears.. I wrote this on the basis of some actual conversations I had.. with due apologies to them

    [Hiren] glad you liked my “saying”.. and your FIL is right

    [Jo] if thats true, good! but many do have the bias.. I mean it is a trade-off b/w looks and career (not that one cant have both).. random comment like “yeh ladkee ko yeh uncle suit nahin hota rey” vs. “..and they lived happily ever after..”

    [Shark] bank balance? :O thats scarier! hmmn people need to understand that money and hair are temp πŸ˜€ (offshoot: dunno why but I suddenly remembered a post from you longtime back on a couple of friends with troubled marriages.. was it on your blog?)

    [Vi] well, it depends on which side of the line (hairline?) one is standing πŸ™‚ the grass (hair) is always blacker on the other side πŸ˜€

  12. Hehehe I had a friend who was called Baal ki Dukaan and also a friend called Baldy

  13. sunshine Says:

    awesome post… i’ll be emailing it to some of my .. err.. balding friends…

    lloovveed the part abt the uses of a bald head!! ha ha

  14. hardu Says:

    Pavan: Don’t be so sure. For the time being yes, you are safe but who knows the future. So make arrangements (for a girl)soon! πŸ˜‰

    I really had no idea about so many uses of a bald head. I have a good mind to get married to a bald man and do all those. πŸ˜›

  15. Szerelem Says:

    nice post….i had blogged a while back about something similar but my point was that gray hair and bald head does not equal not sexy.
    By the way, according to the bible the less hair you have the better.

  16. shark Says:

    pavan: yes that was on my blog. But why that thing now?

  17. Pavan Says:

    [GI] πŸ™‚ I tell ya.. they are everywhere

    [sunshine] thanks.. and I never did those horrible things to anyone.. it was just my imagination let loose

    [Hardu] πŸ˜€ dont blame me for the reaction you would have to encounter

    [Szerelem] wow.. Bible covered that?

    [shark] nthing spl.. just remembered while replying.. about which weighs more in keeping a reln intact.. and what leads to such things. I was about to comment “bald and the beautiful” πŸ™‚

  18. some body Says:

    think about it – having a bald head is a pre-requisite to ‘doing a zidane’! having a baal kee dukaan might soften the impact and fail to get the desired result.

    – s.b.

  19. Szerelem Says:

    hehehe…yeah the bible says its ok to be bald. in leviticus, the book that lists all kinds of rituals, practices, laws. According to the bible baldness = pureness and given how much the book stresses on purity thats a being bald is pretty big plus point!
    my post

  20. srikanth Y Says:

    Hmmm I remember having read somwhere

    If a man is bald in front, he’s a thinker.
    If he’s bald in the back, he is a lover.
    If he’s bald in front and back, he thinks he’s a lover.

    But you seemed to have got that wrong…anwyways being bald in India does create a problem. With the kids calling you uncle even before you have hit 30 and getting to be friends with a good girl being as rare as a honest politician in India.



  21. Your style is so unique compared to other people I’ve read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this page.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: