baal kee dukaan
August 1, 2006
Welcome to Bald-a-geddon (pj hint). Yes, a disaster awaits us. And there is only one person who can save us: Bruce Willis.. oops! even he is bald!
It isnt rare to see guys in their twenties getting receding hairline. From the studies I have performed, baldness falls into these categories: 1) receding hairline 2) thinning hair 3) both of the above. This reminds me of the quote:
People who bald from the front are sexy, people who bald from the back are thinkers,
and people who bald from both the sides think they are sexy..
And surprise surprise! Even females fall in this category (as if..). Baldness is one of the biggest threats aajkal (other than global warming, but ah well!) one can think of (as it seems).
It starts with an innocent phone call, “mama, me just asking.. how many strands of hair do you lose per shampoo session?” I reply in wikipedia ishtyle “It is natural to lose about 100 strands per day, so chill”. Next question after a microsecond gap, “which shampoo do you use.. I mean do you think it could be the shamoo?” Dr. Pavan speaks, “Yes, use a low pH shampoo.. sometimes it is also the water.. if it is too basic, it might be harming your hair..”
Then comes the confession, “dude.. I am BALDing.. yes big-time!! I have acres of unconstructed empty plots.. acres of it.. on my head.. only if I could make use of the real-estate boom.. but I am doomed.. what about marriage? girl friends? Before I get married, I am becoming grandpa! and I am just a quarter century old!! Help! err btw how do you know so much info.. and how were you able to answer all my q’s?” Dr. Pavan replies, “thats for another day beta.. so pray tell me how much have you lost.. or should I say how much do you have remaining?”
Well, here comes your childhood haunting you. Remember how you would yell “takley uncle” and run away.. leaving a bald uncle wondering who the devil was.. remember how you would mock at a kid just returned from Tirupathy? How he would be the talk of the class.. how you would use his head to rub the cricket ball against to make the ball rough? How you would use his head when you were out of sand-paper in arts class? how you would use his head to focus sun-rays for all your scientific experiments when he had oiled his head? How you used his head as tabla when you were possesed by Zakir Hussain?
Guess what? It is payback time!
So coming back to “actual” baldness, one cant blame.. its in the genes.. the pollution, the diet, the water, the lifestyle.. it isnt surprising if the dad-son pair is mistaken as son-dad pair!! But how serious is the problem?
Indians view it in a more serious manner. I have seen Americans being bindaas with their shaven heads.. sometimes it makes them look cooler.. but Indians relate it to potency.. and masculinity.. no hair? no pair! Yes, females think not twice.. but about a bazillion times before thinking of a future with a baldie.. sad but true.. (generalising from a median view.. could be wrong). Believe me, “bald men are sexy” look is back in US, but it has never been true in desi females’ perspective.. so before one gets totally bankrupt (hairwise).. one thinks of getting married (with the whatever remaining balance).
There are alternatives.. like hair-weaving/transplant etc.. but is it worth it? Nope.
Isnt it the personality that finally matters?
It is not what is on your head that counts, but what lies beneath it that matters.
– said a famous balding Swami in Yajur-veda, page#420..
PS: The title of the post is dedicated to someone I know who has so much hair, that he is called so.