bulb series

November 5, 2008

Extending the bulb jokes to other areas, here are some that crossed my mind-

Q- how many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- one maverick

Q- how many democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- none, you ‘hope’ for ‘change’ and it just happens

Q- how many unmarried desis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- none, as they are unaware of what screwing is.

Q- how many bloggers does it take to screw in a ligt bulb?
A- 200, 1 to do the act, 99 to document it and 100 to comment

Q- how many tamilians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- none, as their loud talking already shattered the bulb to pieces

Q- how many gujjus does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- none, as it was already sold even before this question was asked

Q- how many gults does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- depends, is there any dowry involved?

sleepless

March 21, 2008

Lately since a few days, I am sleep deprived (not the hardwork-wala sleep deprivity, but I cant get *any* proper sleep.. I literally count sheeps). And if at all I get a dream, it is like one of the K-serials where my 4-hr sleep consists of 3 hrs of the previous day’s activities as recap, 1/2 hr of commercial breaks and remaining 1/2 hour fighting with alarm clock for that “stretch the minute” sleeping contest.

When I explained this to my mom during a 1am call, she put on her Sherlock Holmes coat and asked me “Love aa?” to which I replied “chaa, Bru maa”. A tall glass of coffee is the main reason one wakes up, na?

PS: there is a coffee shop in Ireland that is aptly named Insomnia

Freeze

February 1, 2008

Great to see such childish pranks being performed:

For more info, visit them.

item sangeet

August 22, 2007

When it is okay to say that one likes road-side mobile eatery type Sairam Pani Puri center’s pani-puri/bhel-puri and that seems to get people nostalgic (rather than repulsive at the thought of uncleanliness, as mom warns us), then why doesn’t the same hold true with people’s music taste?

It is okay (and actually gets more interest/response from the listener) when you say that you thoroughly enjoyed bandi-side (hawker-made) Chilli bajji compared to the swanky Subway’s masala burger. So, sub-par (as society seems to perceive it, not me) taste in food is acceptable by many, but I would love to extend that to music as well.

Hardly a few share my eccentric taste in music, and in that collection, I tend to like item numbers a lot for their sheer energy, other than their visual richness(!). Item numbers from any language have a universal appeal, a unique rawness. I do not have to know what Yana Gupta is conveying when she vaguely asks Babuji to walk slowly, or what Shilpa Shetty means when she says that she wants to loot UP and Bihar (if anything is still left after Lalooji and Mayawati behen), but everybody seems to be ecstatic about something, and it feels great when I share that feeling by just listening to it.

When I tell somebody that I am not much into oldies-goldies (or as I fondly call, the gramophone era, a friend of mine has a few songs dating back to pre-independence days), but have an ear for Carnatic and fusion music (jugalbandhi type), with immense interest in Industrial, Celtic and Techno, people are shocked as if I am a Martian (which I am).

Old songs, especially cry-till-napkins-are-over type “dard bharey” songs with lyrics that have gehrayee (depth) sung by Mukesh might be liked by the majority, but why isn’t ‘I am not into old songs’ taken as okay or normal but treated as a disease?

If there are people who listen to rap and blues (again alien to people of my kind), then why not item songs? Some salient features of item songs (a.k.a. mass songs):

* Energy, energy and energy. They have fizz, catch people’s attention (trailers MUST have them), rev up the mood.
* 2 words: Hot females.
* If you observe carefully, item songs have better involvement from the technical department (camera work, shot angles, creative use of locations, etc.) compared to the trite Swiss Alps and Tulip gardens.
* Beware: Interesting twist ahead! Item songs involve a nice twist to the storyline, whereas a love/mushy/sad song adds nothing more to the existing mood (that was already conveyed by the dialogs). Added bonus when the twist happens *during* the item song.
* Front bench crowd, who “market” the movie (with their ruckus) feed on item songs. More the item songs, better the word-of-mouth publicity.
* Item songs have an intelligent way of conveying a subtle message, which can sometimes be surprisingly romantic.
* Dance floors, pubs and parties would have been non-existant w/o item numbers. Hence, it supports businesses.
* Closer to reality: “bachkey tu rehna re bachke tu rehna” from Company makes more sense than aasman se chaand sitarey thod le aaoonga.

Hence, before you generalise and detest people who love mass numbers, please spend a few minutes and be a little considerate towards us as we are sensitive people who love songs like “goli maar bhejey mein, tho bheja shor karta hai” (Satya). Hope you get the subtle warning.

profile template

July 19, 2007

Here is a typical desi matrimony profile template:

Bride’s profile:

Name: Later, Picture (after wards)
Education/Job: FOO IT at a large MNC, $VAR k per annum, BTech in *field-doesnt-matter* and MS in CS/IT from Univ. of XYZ.

Hobbies: blend of western and traditional values, loves family to death, music: hip-hop, classical, pop, rock, movies: comedy, horror, thriller, romantic, hindi and english

Family Background: Mom teacher, dad lawyer, first brother-in-law doctor, second bro-in-law BIG time position in whopping ass MNC earning bazillions of dollars, younger brother has 22 patents, elder brother is Nigerian Prince sending emails to unsuspecting baits.

I am a fun loving person, yet serious about life; adventurous yet conservative at times; values traditions yet open to western outlook, strong yet sensitive to certain issues; on the whole, a simple person.

Looking for someone with a sense of humor, an understanding personality and good family background.

probable Bride groom’s response (apun bola):

Hi Ms.Later,

My name is *Only after you tell your name, Ladies first na?* I am currently well settled in California with an awesome job, minting money (literally, I work in the US Mint & Treasury Dept). After reading your profile , I felt there might be a strong connection (unlike Airtel’s weak connection problems). It was a “kannum kannum Nokia” (connecting people) moment. Your profile struck to me straight from the heart (now that we are on this topic, do you have a history of heart probs? high cholestrol levels etc? just confirming). Though, I just had a few questions:

  • You said your hobbies included a “blend of western and traditional values“, could I have the proportions please? 12 oz desi, 200 gms western values, salt and sugar to taste?
  • Your profile said “loves family to death“, whose death are we talking about? please clarify..
  • Your music taste includes “hip-hop, classical, pop, rock, jazz, electronica” Please forgive me if I missed any category (are there any that you left out?) oh yeah Celtic.. you could have as well said “itunes store”
  • same thing with movies: it seems you love comedy, horror, thriller, romantic movies, hindi and english movies. Frankly, is your dad a movie distributor? or does he own a theatre? if so, then I am immensely interested.. ofcourse in you, not him..

As regards to your family background, could you send a jpeg of a chart-like format detailing other family members (like your dad’s bro, his children, mom’s family side till 3 generations back)?

I fell in love with you after reading the last line: “I am a fun loving person, yet serious about life; adventurous yet conservative at times; values traditions yet open to western outlook, strong yet sensitive to certain issues; on the whole, a simple person.” As regards to me, I am a serious guy with an appreciation to good humor, tall yet short guy, fair yet dark guy with a wheatish complexion, stinking rich yet drowned in debts, perfect eyesight with myopic vision, athletic body with a few flabs of fat around my belly, very religious (I visit church, mosque and temples regularly, mostly for the free food) yet atheistic in principles with a mix of spirituality and occult sciences. I cant answer anytning without multiple choices, and ultimately choose the last option, just like you do: “all of the above”. Saves me the efforts. BTW noticed this matrimony site didnt have that option?

As regards to my family background, I remember this when I was a child: my mom told me that Billy mama (uncle) would get me a He-Man set and HotWheels full-pack when I would get good marks in my final exams. I am still waiting. BTW, she was referring to Bill Gates.

I could go on and on but I dont intend to confuse you more than I am (with the information overload). Hope you are interested in me, if not, please forward this to atleast 7 other Tel Bram spinsters else you shall remain unmarried for the rest of your life.

cheers (I forgot to tell, I dont drink, this is just friendly cheering, OK?), regards to your parents,
PK (not related to cK, the Calvin Klein, and neither am I peekay, as in hindi peekay)

—-

I was forwarded this link by a good friend, from where I went on a profile surfing expedition, and the result is above. My intention wasn’t to belittle anyone. I swear.

cube maketh a person?

December 6, 2006

Yesterday, my friend was playing with (trying to solve) Rubik’s cube, and I got re-fascinated by it. Childhood flashback: I remember I took it apart to find out what made it work that way, the mechanism inside fascinated me more than the cube itself. And now, I am a mechanical engineer.

That got me thinking, does the direction of curiousity tell anything about the person’s penchant for a particular discipline? Here are some generalisations that my demented mind churned out, and named it aptly “Pavan’s Theory on babies and cubes”:

If you give a Rubik’s cube to a baby, and if he breaks it apart, then he is destined to become a mechanical engineer, like the humble me.

  • If the baby throws the cube, and tries to catch it, or throws it for the dog to catch and bring it back, he would be a sportsperson.
  • If the baby throws the cube at the baby-next-cradle, then accept the fact that it would be a terrorist
  • If the baby asks the baby-next-cradle to solve the cube.. first politely, and then taking its milk bottle as ransom, then it would grow up to become a manager
  • If the baby uses the cube to reach to the mirror by stepping on it, then it would be a super-model
  • If the baby hides the cube within 4 seconds, by hiding it in the diapers, then he has two options: becoming a magician like David Copperfield or a famous thief/con like Daniel Ocean
  • If the baby instantly starts solving the cube, then either he is a genius, or a good actor.
  • If the baby takes out the color stickers and puts them in order (instead of solving it), then beware.. you have a hacker-baby!
  • If the baby trades the cube for a farex can or a milk-bottle, then he could be a politician or a successful businessman.
  • If the baby expects incentives like kisses or undue attention from the people around, to get him started with solving the cube, he shall be a Government officer (or politician?)
  • If the baby starts documenting about the cube, without even knowing what it is supposed to do with it, then it would be a great Bureaucrat.
  • If the baby instantly starts googling for the cube-solving-algorithms, then you have a programmer-baby or a grad student in the making!
  • If the baby tries to insert the cube up its nose, then you have a budding comedian!

And, last but not the least, if the baby starts chewing the cube, then worry not, you have a normal baby! All the others (above) were abnormal psychos/freaks.

planning

November 6, 2006

Planning needs patience.. and cunningness too