September 26, 2007
Inspired by Rads’ fables, this is my 2nd shot at writing fiction. I have a
special prize for survivors.
PS: My first exptl foray can be found in the creative section here (no one can read just one!).
He is sitting there with a dim bulb shining over his bald head. He is writing
something into his notebook. He reads it out loudly.
I have sinned, badly.
Ever since I was a baby, I found a magnetic attraction for lies. It was my first
love and it meant more than anything or anybody.
Babies are supposed to be inherently pure, with no adulteration from the dirty
world outside. But that is about others. This is me. I started feigning bruises
and pain to get more love from my mom, I faked hunger to get attention, I faked
results to get respect. What role did society have in shaping me like this? They
were nothing more than cheering spectators. They joined in my celebrations,
showered accolades, but never evaluated if what I did was right or wrong.
Ofcourse, who has so much time. This is a need-based society, and in the end
everybody was happy.. except me.
During my adoloscent years, I worked my way up and mastered this art. I was
impressed by my own powers. I was feeding a monster.
Initially, lies were more in number, though they were innocent lies which got me
through situations that were demanding. Then as I grew, I took larger bets and
took upon big lies (and less in number). Now that I have graduated having mastered
this sinfully addictive art, I have numbed myself.
I speak lies without giving a second thought. I lie as smoothly as I would blink,
breathe or walk. I have lost the ability to distinguish a lie from truth, I can’t stop myself from lying
because it is residing within me at the genetic levels.
I have lost touch with myself. Myself.. who am I? no idea, what do I like? no
idea, what are my likes and dislikes? no idea, I have lost my personality. I have lost myself. I know more about others than about me. I do not exist. Others see me, but I cant see myself.
Have you seen the Pretender? I am something like that. I adapt myself to a
particular profession or personality to get my work done. What is that thing I am
working for or what am I aiming for? no idea, I just need a reason to lie. Just a
reason. I am addicted to it. It is a spiral vacuuum that has sucked me in.
Well, now I have paid my price. And I am here.
But seriously God, I have sinned, and I feel guilty and sorry for that…. And this
is my last lie.
Lights gradually brighten, revealing his orange jumpsuits and prison cell. He stands
up, bows and gets a standing ovation from the audience.
While driving back home, he thinks “atleast Rob got a chance to say it out loud.
Will I?” just when he gets a call regarding the role for a psych-thriller movie
project. He shrugs his shoulders and moves on saying “All part of an actor’s
life.. ya right..”