profile template

July 19, 2007

Here is a typical desi matrimony profile template:

Bride’s profile:

Name: Later, Picture (after wards)
Education/Job: FOO IT at a large MNC, $VAR k per annum, BTech in *field-doesnt-matter* and MS in CS/IT from Univ. of XYZ.

Hobbies: blend of western and traditional values, loves family to death, music: hip-hop, classical, pop, rock, movies: comedy, horror, thriller, romantic, hindi and english

Family Background: Mom teacher, dad lawyer, first brother-in-law doctor, second bro-in-law BIG time position in whopping ass MNC earning bazillions of dollars, younger brother has 22 patents, elder brother is Nigerian Prince sending emails to unsuspecting baits.

I am a fun loving person, yet serious about life; adventurous yet conservative at times; values traditions yet open to western outlook, strong yet sensitive to certain issues; on the whole, a simple person.

Looking for someone with a sense of humor, an understanding personality and good family background.

probable Bride groom’s response (apun bola):

Hi Ms.Later,

My name is *Only after you tell your name, Ladies first na?* I am currently well settled in California with an awesome job, minting money (literally, I work in the US Mint & Treasury Dept). After reading your profile , I felt there might be a strong connection (unlike Airtel’s weak connection problems). It was a “kannum kannum Nokia” (connecting people) moment. Your profile struck to me straight from the heart (now that we are on this topic, do you have a history of heart probs? high cholestrol levels etc? just confirming). Though, I just had a few questions:

  • You said your hobbies included a “blend of western and traditional values“, could I have the proportions please? 12 oz desi, 200 gms western values, salt and sugar to taste?
  • Your profile said “loves family to death“, whose death are we talking about? please clarify..
  • Your music taste includes “hip-hop, classical, pop, rock, jazz, electronica” Please forgive me if I missed any category (are there any that you left out?) oh yeah Celtic.. you could have as well said “itunes store”
  • same thing with movies: it seems you love comedy, horror, thriller, romantic movies, hindi and english movies. Frankly, is your dad a movie distributor? or does he own a theatre? if so, then I am immensely interested.. ofcourse in you, not him..

As regards to your family background, could you send a jpeg of a chart-like format detailing other family members (like your dad’s bro, his children, mom’s family side till 3 generations back)?

I fell in love with you after reading the last line: “I am a fun loving person, yet serious about life; adventurous yet conservative at times; values traditions yet open to western outlook, strong yet sensitive to certain issues; on the whole, a simple person.” As regards to me, I am a serious guy with an appreciation to good humor, tall yet short guy, fair yet dark guy with a wheatish complexion, stinking rich yet drowned in debts, perfect eyesight with myopic vision, athletic body with a few flabs of fat around my belly, very religious (I visit church, mosque and temples regularly, mostly for the free food) yet atheistic in principles with a mix of spirituality and occult sciences. I cant answer anytning without multiple choices, and ultimately choose the last option, just like you do: “all of the above”. Saves me the efforts. BTW noticed this matrimony site didnt have that option?

As regards to my family background, I remember this when I was a child: my mom told me that Billy mama (uncle) would get me a He-Man set and HotWheels full-pack when I would get good marks in my final exams. I am still waiting. BTW, she was referring to Bill Gates.

I could go on and on but I dont intend to confuse you more than I am (with the information overload). Hope you are interested in me, if not, please forward this to atleast 7 other Tel Bram spinsters else you shall remain unmarried for the rest of your life.

cheers (I forgot to tell, I dont drink, this is just friendly cheering, OK?), regards to your parents,
PK (not related to cK, the Calvin Klein, and neither am I peekay, as in hindi peekay)

—-

I was forwarded this link by a good friend, from where I went on a profile surfing expedition, and the result is above. My intention wasn’t to belittle anyone. I swear.

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8 Responses to “profile template”

  1. Mysorean Says:

    Pavan,

    Great one yar! ROFL!

    Keep it going! Loved this one!

  2. Vasuki Says:

    Great one! Hahaha!!
    Easily one of the most hilarious posts I have read in recent time!

  3. krupa Says:

    Funny one!sunday TOI classifieds are equally funny…check it out;it might prompt you to pen another post;)

  4. shark Says:

    I think somebody has actually started searching profiles ( no need for “forward” alibis πŸ˜› )..
    all the best, and may you find the profile of your dream soon…

  5. Srikanth Says:

    A bit long but good…

  6. Anisha Says:

    funny!!!! πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  7. Pavan Says:

    Mysorean, Vasuki, Krupa, Anisha: thanks!

    Shark: dammit! got caught.. (but really, thats what happened)

    Srikanth: thanks, took note of the fact, and it does get boring, but then, like the movie Mask, “somebody stop me” πŸ™‚

  8. Susmitha Says:

    Actually the B.Tech in XXXXX matters. Its only the Comp science people are interested in. If the girl is from a different group, she NEEDS to take up a gazillion number of courses and get an IT job. Only then will she have a good market value. Right? Well, this is what I hear from my family friends. They sigh and moan that not only do they have to take up a course they hate, they also have to prove their upmarket value by getting a campus selection. hee hee
    PS. I am myself a B.Tech in Comp Sci but I did not get these horrible questions Thank God when I got married. πŸ˜‰


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