Rated R

February 28, 2007

I generally refrain from getting the vulgar flavor into this dish (kids who read this blog might get offended by my limited knowledge), but sometimes, due to some rare celestial combinations, I do happen to write non-veg posts (or am I forced to?).

A couple of days back, I was suddenly woken by some strange sounds.. at about 5am, a whole 1 hour before my scheduled alarm. I wasn’t sure what it was. I could hear bleak cries of help inspite of my 1000W PMPO with Dolby effect snoring roomie. On careful observation, I realised that those were actually sounds of lovemaking.

Just like the kid in sixth sense (who could see dead people), I have special powers.. I can hear even the faintest sounds (like ants’ whispering). Such incidents occurred before, but this beat all the previous records.

So our Adam-n-Eve under spotlight were actually our neighbors who stay right below our apartment (and their bedroom is below ours, it is as if I am sleeping over them.. damn these apartments with such walls). They are unusual in the sense that these sounds (that I hear) are the result of their day-n-night match.. It might be funny to you but imagine how tough it is for a bachelor (us) listening to these sounds early in the morning, day after day, including nights.. it is an infinite for-loop with occasional commercial breaks. It is like subscribing to “midnight masala” podcast (sans video).

I woke my friend to confirm if my hunch was true, and on confirming, he realised the reason why he always gets “nice” dreams at this particular time. We giggled like a bunch of teenagers!

This was not a stray incident that could be forgotten. It got regular. At one point, I even thought of retaliating by joining their screaming session with my own remixed versions of constipated “ooooh” and “aaaah”, but later we realised that the girl next-door knows that a bunch of desi guys stay in this apartment, and we didnt want her imaginations to go wild!

There are lots of disadvantages to this: I cant call India (or friends for that matter) from that room, I cant do serious prayers, I cant concentrate.. though I could complain to the Owner of this apt. complex, but wouldn’t it be like Iraq complaining to USA saying that it can’t withstand Iran having lots of fun, hence “please attack Iran”? I know, bad political analogy.

But one advantage is that it is much better than an alarm. Every morning, almost religiously (pun?) they wake me up at 5 am. And during the days when I have special meetings requiring me to go to work early, I make sure I pass on the blue pill to them the night before (I kid, I kid!). You know what? I might just paste a note on their door saying “I know what you did last night” (->movie reference with similar sounding name) and add a second line saying “could I join you?”. Either it would get the message across subtly, or I might get an invitation.


11 Responses to “Rated R”

  1. tracya Says:

    very funny! i’d go for the post it note on the door saying “i know what you did last night”…

  2. Sudhakar Says:

    Hilarious… Non Veg pavan at his best .. Tumaraa number ayega , don’t worry πŸ™‚

  3. some body Says:


    don’t let your imagination run too wild, though i’ll take your word for it this time!

    – s.b.

  4. Cinamon Says:

    Pavan…. Awesome.

    You could leave a note and hope for an invite. after you stick it.. leave a message and i shall keep you in my prayers.

    If i were you.. id have probably gone across the hall knocked and said..”could you be a lil louder…. our necks are hurtign sticking to the walls.. and my partener refuses to perform sans your sound effects. plus its fun as we actually feel part of an orgy”.

    But for bachelors…damn tough..agreed. All the best.

    I know you may wanna ban all my future comments.

  5. Pavan Says:

    tracya: thanks, and welcome!

    Sudhakar: πŸ™‚ thanks.. mera number tho aayega, but hopefully somebody else shouldnt be writing like this about me πŸ˜‰

    s.b.: hehe, I read that article on digg.com and I can assure that it isnt a movie being played.. the sounds dont repeat or follow a definite pattern πŸ™‚

    Cinamon: arey nahin, I dont want to be the “woh” in the pati-patni-woh sandwich. And ban? no-way, you are actually giving me new ideas to deal with them, thanks πŸ™‚

  6. Cinamon Says:

    Always welcom. Let me know if you need more.

    Btw P, being the woh is the most fun… pati putni is too much headache for little sex.

  7. shark Says:

    Go ahead and stick the note. I am sure you will get the invite… what do they day? The more the merrier or something like that πŸ˜›

  8. Mysorean Says:

    Tumhara number to neeche (literally) chala gaya re! πŸ˜›

    All the best with the note! My vote is for the “invite” note! πŸ™‚

  9. Ravi Says:

    That was not funny Pavan ;). Reminds me of my days there. I remember feeling that “mera number kabhee nahi aayegaa” :), being in downtown and coming back home with a bunch of us, weekend after weekend. I distinctly remember feeling “I would probably die before my number comes”.

    Hang on there buddy..
    It is bound to work out sometime in
    Lt x time….

  10. Supremus Says:

    ROFL!! Reminded me of my grad days and a couple next door – after a point in time though, it became a nuisance hehehehehe.

  11. Shruti Says:

    LOL .. you write too well.. lot of pun .. felt like reading all the posts .. but what do I do .. I am billing only 8 hours today πŸ˜‰
    Keep it up and keep entertaining bored lost souls like moi πŸ™‚


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