February 10, 2007

Unclehood is the mashup of bachelorhood and adulthood.

What defines that a person is an uncle? Age? or Maturity? or both? or is it the society that dictates?

A 11-yr. old girl who used to call me anna, now calls me “uncle” as I have successfully completed a quarter century. But, what she doesnt realise is that she too has grown and hence the age diff. is constant and not a variable (unless she was travelling at speed of light and relativity kept her younger.. blah blah) . So, it isnt age as I aint an uncle (yet).

In my childhood, I had my share of “abey saale, dont call me uncle” moments. In the younger days, I went by hair color. I had one simple rule: black hair=anna, salt-pepper hair=uncle, white-hair=thatha, no-hair=alien. But then I discovered hair dye, which was solely there to fool kids like me. So I set another paramenter: “marriage“. Till the mangalsutram was tied, the person was just anna (eventhough he was in late thirties), and soon-after, the crown of unclehood was bestowed upon him. Then, equations shifted and made me more confused, with 22 year old married people and 30+ year old unmarried people around me, I had to devise a new formula.

From what it seems (as I see things around), you are an uncle when

(*) you ask the pani-poori walla “How much trans-fat does a Masala Kachori have?”. You take lesser amount of salts and avoid oily food for “health-resasons” but prefer driving to the grocery store 2-blocks-away.

(*) you prefer the BestBuy store that is 25 miles away than the one that is just 5 miles away, because you have a $5 coupon (off a $1000 purchase!) and you get 22 points with which you can utmost claim a BestBuy stamped keychain.

(*) a telephonic conversation with a friend revolves around how much his consultant pays him, how much Ramu’s consultant pays, and wonder why Ramu still didnt buy a car, then wonder thus he must atleast have $XXX k in his a/c. Then exclaim “OMG”, and remind yourself to look for a working wife (dowry preferable, 2 wives still better).

(*) compare your car’s insurance plan to your friend’s plan (when you both have met after 4 long years). But how different is this from how we compared the pencil lengths in 2nd standard? So it must not be maturity either, as these people ARE uncles.

(*) weekend means Saturday afternoon at temple, an evening movie, Sunday morning Walmart+laundry, and afternoon buffet at Indian restaurant. This is an infinite for-loop. Doesnt change much after marriage either, except that there is an addition: a trip to Niagra falls is now called a special “treat”.

I have this to say: The world doesnt revolve around you, your wife and your phone plan which T-mobile screwed up bigtime as they overcharged you for 2 SMSs. I am least interested in how you saved 15% by switching to GEICO, unless I get some cut out of it.

If these parameters are symptoms of this dreadful disease, then I am happy in my diaper-wetting days, i.e., I amย not an uncle yet (or atleast I believe so).


9 Responses to “Unclehood”

  1. Gini Says:

    Feeling like an uncle is it? ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am still an akka though. ๐Ÿ˜›

  2. Sudhakar Says:

    LOL!!! Hilarious post.. It seems you read too much of NRI Lives(should I say NRA(Non Residents of Andhra)?).

    My manager’s daughter (four years old) calls me with first name, though her mother insists on calling me as uncle… smart kid eh?

  3. Nidhee Says:

    fighting on not being an uncle are we???

  4. Pavan Says:

    Gini: no, I am not feeling like one yet.. luckily!

    Sudhakar: hehe, smart mom ๐Ÿ˜€ my fear is I see when/would I be one among the NRA?

    Nidhee: na, it is just that I fear getting drifted into the jaws of unclehood against my own wishes, however I resist..

  5. nidhee Says:

    U will drift…..like it or not. why resist…hurts more if u hold tight.

    look at the brighter side… they arent calling you MAMA yet.

  6. Pavan Says:

    Nidhee: ๐Ÿ™‚ by unclehood, I was referring to the “psyche”, not the state or age.. btw you seem to know well about Telugu slangs

  7. nidhee Says:

    I know “psyche” and it is the toughest to let go. And no I know nothing about telgu slangs. i meant the hindi/marathi mama = mother’s brother. in out part of the world mama slowly becomes your second name….imagine 20 year olds screaming Pavan MAMA……

  8. Gorrepati Says:

    How about discussing where to get furniture, watching movies only on TV, fighting with the theater guy that the ticket is priced an extra dollar than it was advertised, discussing which shares to buy, which land to sell. Somehow Unclehood seems to be settling on mediocrity when people (euphemistically?) call it “Maturity” or “Practicality”.

    On a related note, there is great article on Intelligence vs Wisdom at http://paulgraham.com/wisdom.html .

  9. Shruti Says:

    ROFL …. LMAO ..

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