Shaadi dot com

February 25, 2006

Isnt it weird that the domain shaadi.com has 'com' at the end? dotcoms are for companies which are into commercial ventures, and like shaadi.com is commercial, even a shaadi is. I know a couple of friends whose "market-value" is 2 crores each. hmmn is that why they are called crore-pati? I am a brahmin, so I go on sale for cheaper than a Toshiba laptop. And if I approach 30 and still remain unmarried, my parents would put me up on e-bay.

I guess this is shaadi season. Because, I have been getting wedding cards as attachments, people I know are getting marrried or getting air-lifted by damsels, I see my friends looking at pictures sent by their parents (yup, marriage proposals), and I thought, what about me? Keeping the serious side of me aside (that I have to have a steady job with a decent bank account to get the attention of even a female fly), but whats wrong in writing about it, as it is a slow day.

Firstly, I aint alone, I have company in the distressed-traumatic singles' league. After reading that, I felt happy. I am 24, still a student, having a back-pack on, and still going to 'school'. How different am I since I was 3? Even then, I went to school, and had a school bag. well, atleast I dont take lunch with me now. But, I am still single.

Lately, I have seen this shaadi bug biting all my friends here. One got married, one looking at proposals (background: Bryan Adams' Summer of 69). This shaadi-mania starts with a strong urge of going to gym. Afterall, when you wish your wife to be like Sonali Bendre, wouldnt she want you to be like Salman Khan (without the baldness, and short-temper, and the many affairs.. and bad behaviour.. and shooting incidents.. and [space not enough]). So, a guy like me whose meaning of going to gym translates to walking past it, goes to gym religiously (even on weekends, and feels guilty for having skipped one day), I am serious, and this has been the trend with many here.

So, when do you know that you are of marriageable age, and how do you cope up with that? Here are some random thoughts:

  1. You Flirt: This one time, I was in the department lab, and I was talking to a girl. She was leaning against the table (with a computer on it), and accidently moved the mouse with her back. The computer turned itself on (from the hibernation mode). I passed a comment: "Hey, You turned it ON". No response, I repeated. No response. I was about to hand in a 1-page essay trying to explain the lame joke and then thunder struck her, and she smiled! That was the last time I flirted.
  2. You are on prowl:The situation is bad when at Walmart, you choose which billing counter to go based upon.. wait not the length of the queue, but the 'wow-factor' of the sales girl.
  3. Moments that make the urge stronger: When you are tired, and hungry.. and go home expecting some tasty food. But imagine your roomie sitting there, munching chips, and points to the calendar reminding that it is your 'cooking turn'. These are the moments you dont know if you would kill him, or lift him and give a kiss (I would go for the first option, definitely). When you do your laundry, or grocery shopping.. or when you open the fridge and find it emptier than Sahara Desert or Salman Khan's head.. these make one more reason to get married.
  4. I went to a movie with a bunch of friends, and there were couples holding hands.. and smooching.. at the theatre. I was busy looking for a stone. Didnt you do that when you were in India, when you saw two dogs on heat? Yeah, stone them and separate! After entering the theatre, I saw couples holding hands. I looked on my left and right seats. Not one female in 1 mile radius from me. What do I do? I clasp my left hand with my right hand. That felt better.
  5. Browsing telugumatrinomy.com is a big-time affair here. We go through the profiles (sad that they dont have RSS feeds) quite regularly. This helps us in 2 ways: (i) we keep ourselves informed of the latest technology (err I mean trends, etc.), and we would know what they expect, and what to expect from them. (ii) Sometimes, to boost our dead ego, we browse at profiles of guys our age, and after looking at their salaries and jobs, we run to our repective departments. reminder: Finish thesis, get a real job.
  6. While crossing the road, a girl with long black hair, and big circular earrings catches your attention more than the speeding bus (screaming abey andha hai kya? in english).

Disclaimer: Many incidents above are works of fiction (could include this disclaimer too), I wrote just for the heck of it. If you are a girl and had even the bleakest thought of contacting the author, please do not form an opinion after reading this. Feel free (I dont charge) to contact me, call or meet me in person. I also come with a 1 year no-questions-asked return poilcy. And if you happen to know somebody, whose life you want to see getting ruined, contact me NOW!

TIPS for self:

Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks

* I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
* Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
* Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium?
* How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
* You're sweeter than glucose.
* We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
* Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
* Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
* You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
* My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

Footprints:

I am not single, I'm romantically challenged.

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29 Responses to “Shaadi dot com”

  1. Hardu Says:

    A good, funny post! πŸ™‚


  2. […] Pavan reflects on the frustrations of a single desi guy caught in grad school and inundated with shaadi invitations. He lists his personal efforts including some cheesy pickup lines to use at engineering colleges. […]

  3. Aaman Says:

    Have you watched ‘Brokeback Mountain’?:)

  4. Pavan Says:

    @ Aaman: nope.. I was looking for company. Are you free Friday night? πŸ˜€

  5. Kunal Says:

    Great pickup lines πŸ™‚ Hilarious post…

  6. nixon Says:

    great post dude

  7. Richa Says:

    “I am a brahmin, so I go on sale for cheaper than a Toshiba laptop. And if I approach 30 and still remain unmarried, my parents would put me up on e-bay”

    Loved it. ROTFL πŸ˜‰

  8. :-) Says:

    absolute original fun. Loved the post. πŸ™‚

  9. karmicjay Says:

    LOL.. funny post. Although I found the pick up lines for engg students corny. πŸ™‚

  10. Venkat Says:

    Dude….one of the best posts i have read in recent times……..I stay near Philly….any plans of settling there????:D

  11. Pavan Says:

    @Venkat, as of now I am straight, but if I remain single till I am 30, I might contact you πŸ™‚

  12. aditya Says:

    Mental outside, but pentium inside.

  13. Sean Says:

    Nice post pavan…cool ones..most things seems to pop out of my master\’s day ( well hasn\’t been so long :)..Well i have a couple of years to become 3ager..

  14. Rahul Says:

    β€œI am a brahmin, so I go on sale for cheaper than a Toshiba laptop. And if I approach 30 and still remain unmarried, my parents would put me up on e-bayβ€?

    I did not understand this post.. please excuse me..my command over queens language is pathetic..can u plz explain this

  15. Pavan Says:

    @Rahul, I was mocking at the dowry system

  16. Pavan Says:

    @everybody, thanks for the empathy. Hope you people help me in breaking my bachelorhood, and many others of my kind.

  17. Pavan Says:

    Comments on Sulekha:

    on Apr 13 2006 10:15PM

    it took me 8 more years to even think in those line buddy πŸ™‚ keep bloging excellent

    Gayatri Sinha comments:
    on Apr 13 2006 7:23PM

    you are crazy!!! the blog is written very well, I just couldn’t help laughing all the time.. Hey but you are just 24, don’t you think its too early to think of marriage??

    supriyad comments:
    on Apr 13 2006 6:24PM

    aha!


  18. […] Shaadi dot com was all about my travails in trying to get the attention of the female folk (reminds me of Robin Williams' song: Rock DJ, where he desperately tries to get the attention of some babes by stripping.. initially his clothes, and then stripping his skin and muscles.. eventually he does get noticed!). Well, I can't afford such acts as my university insurance plan has limited coverage, and my grad advisor has high hopes on me: that I am graduating and leaving him soon. I want to live upto them. […]

  19. Latha Says:

    Pavan,

    I am neither a regular blogger nor a lurker of blogosphere. I just ran into this post and it was utterly hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing…

    Latha

  20. sunny Says:

    latha, If i am not mistaken u have really enjoyed this blog and going to come back as a regular blogger is it ?


  21. Dude,
    You should feel sorry for me. I just turned 31, and I have a sneaking suspicion my family are about to put me on Ebay!

    btw funny post πŸ™‚

  22. Susmitha Says:

    I guess it is kinda late for me to comment on this blog but I couldnt stop myself. I am going through all your blogs faster than a twister. πŸ™‚ And being a B myself with lots of brothers (cousins) I completely understand your troublesome thoughts. Keep up the fun. πŸ˜‰

  23. Blue Bike Says:

    Though too late to comment on this one …. but boss you confirmed my mating dogs theory when you said
    Didnt you do that when you were in India, when you saw two dogs on heat? Yeah, stone them and separate

    I belive me (and you and others of our kind) are paying for our sins … we seperated those canines when they were fulfilling their desires …. humko un kutton ki badduaein lagi hain πŸ˜€


  24. Dude, I am rofllmao :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Its hilarious , though u r still too young to dive into that ….sin which seems too good and eludes all. ….


  25. […] start with, people in their mid-twenties kinda experience this. This slowly builds up- it is like hot coffee brewing, to be consumed at the right time- too hot and […]

  26. Eswar Says:

    those lines are not cheesy. they are just like you’d expect from a Tarantino movie. rofl reading the first para.

  27. Suma Says:

    3 years later and your blog still rings true, with just one change – the travails have extended to the gulti bachelorette too!

  28. akanksha Says:

    hey….. gud to knw a males point of view….. nd luved ur sense of humour πŸ™‚


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