Shaadi dot com

Isnt it weird that the domain shaadi.com has 'com' at the end? dotcoms are for companies which are into commercial ventures, and like shaadi.com is commercial, even a shaadi is. I know a couple of friends whose "market-value" is 2 crores each. hmmn is that why they are called crore-pati? I am a brahmin, so I go on sale for cheaper than a Toshiba laptop. And if I approach 30 and still remain unmarried, my parents would put me up on e-bay.

I guess this is shaadi season. Because, I have been getting wedding cards as attachments, people I know are getting marrried or getting air-lifted by damsels, I see my friends looking at pictures sent by their parents (yup, marriage proposals), and I thought, what about me? Keeping the serious side of me aside (that I have to have a steady job with a decent bank account to get the attention of even a female fly), but whats wrong in writing about it, as it is a slow day.

Firstly, I aint alone, I have company in the distressed-traumatic singles' league. After reading that, I felt happy. I am 24, still a student, having a back-pack on, and still going to 'school'. How different am I since I was 3? Even then, I went to school, and had a school bag. well, atleast I dont take lunch with me now. But, I am still single.

Lately, I have seen this shaadi bug biting all my friends here. One got married, one looking at proposals (background: Bryan Adams' Summer of 69). This shaadi-mania starts with a strong urge of going to gym. Afterall, when you wish your wife to be like Sonali Bendre, wouldnt she want you to be like Salman Khan (without the baldness, and short-temper, and the many affairs.. and bad behaviour.. and shooting incidents.. and [space not enough]). So, a guy like me whose meaning of going to gym translates to walking past it, goes to gym religiously (even on weekends, and feels guilty for having skipped one day), I am serious, and this has been the trend with many here.

So, when do you know that you are of marriageable age, and how do you cope up with that? Here are some random thoughts:

1. You Flirt: This one time, I was in the department lab, and I was talking to a girl. She was leaning against the table (with a computer on it), and accidently moved the mouse with her back. The computer turned itself on (from the hibernation mode). I passed a comment: "Hey, You turned it ON". No response, I repeated. No response. I was about to hand in a 1-page essay trying to explain the lame joke and then thunder struck her, and she smiled! That was the last time I flirted.
2. You are on prowl:The situation is bad when at Walmart, you choose which billing counter to go based upon.. wait not the length of the queue, but the 'wow-factor' of the sales girl.
3. Moments that make the urge stronger: When you are tired, and hungry.. and go home expecting some tasty food. But imagine your roomie sitting there, munching chips, and points to the calendar reminding that it is your 'cooking turn'. These are the moments you dont know if you would kill him, or lift him and give a kiss (I would go for the first option, definitely). When you do your laundry, or grocery shopping.. or when you open the fridge and find it emptier than Sahara Desert or Salman Khan's head.. these make one more reason to get married.
4. I went to a movie with a bunch of friends, and there were couples holding hands.. and smooching.. at the theatre. I was busy looking for a stone. Didnt you do that when you were in India, when you saw two dogs on heat? Yeah, stone them and separate! After entering the theatre, I saw couples holding hands. I looked on my left and right seats. Not one female in 1 mile radius from me. What do I do? I clasp my left hand with my right hand. That felt better.
5. Browsing telugumatrinomy.com is a big-time affair here. We go through the profiles (sad that they dont have RSS feeds) quite regularly. This helps us in 2 ways: (i) we keep ourselves informed of the latest technology (err I mean trends, etc.), and we would know what they expect, and what to expect from them. (ii) Sometimes, to boost our dead ego, we browse at profiles of guys our age, and after looking at their salaries and jobs, we run to our repective departments. reminder: Finish thesis, get a real job.
6. While crossing the road, a girl with long black hair, and big circular earrings catches your attention more than the speeding bus (screaming abey andha hai kya? in english).

Disclaimer: Many incidents above are works of fiction (could include this disclaimer too), I wrote just for the heck of it. If you are a girl and had even the bleakest thought of contacting the author, please do not form an opinion after reading this. Feel free (I dont charge) to contact me, call or meet me in person. I also come with a 1 year no-questions-asked return poilcy. And if you happen to know somebody, whose life you want to see getting ruined, contact me NOW!

TIPS for self:

Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks

* I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
* Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
* Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium?
* How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
* You're sweeter than glucose.
* We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
* Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
* Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
* You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
* My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

Footprints:

I am not single, I'm romantically challenged.